The Hard Part

I resigned from my job this past week.

I know this is a small thing in the grand scheme of life.  Especially today, in the wake of the news of another mass shooting, I am all the more aware that resigning from my job, especially when I know that I have another great one to go to, isn't a tragedy. It's a blessing. I know it's not big news to the world, and I know, soon enough, it won't even be big news to me. But for today? To me? It's huge.

It's not that I'm not excited for my future. I am. I will be moving out of a pediatric speech-therapist position, into a teaching position at our local university. I'm not just happy about this, I'm giddy. I've always loved all things academic.  Last year, when my son started school, I practically drooled  with anticipation as we walked the aisles of Target, gathering the requisite supplies for the start of his new year.  Walking into libraries makes me feel like I've arrived home. I love to read, and to learn, and to teach and to grow.  What's more, I love helping others do the same. Moving out of my current job into this new one....it's like a long lost piece of myself is clicking back into place.

So yes, I'm excited about my future, for the part of the story that is yet to come. That's the part of the story where I get to find out who I am. But this part of the story? This is the part where I have to say goodbye.  This is the part where I let people down. 

I'll be saying goodbye to families.  Families who I have loved, and mentored, and laughed and cried with. Families who have trusted me with their children, who have looked to me to guide them as they have fought the uphill battle to make their children better. Families who need me. And now I will have to look them in the face and tell them I am leaving; that I will no longer be a part of their child's story. 

I'll be saying goodbye to colleagues.  Colleagues who were not just colleagues, but who were family. Colleagues who cried with me when I lost my mom, who stood in my living room to welcome home my baby boy, and who showered me with joy when they found out I was expecting my baby girl. They are a huge part of my story and it is hard to let them go.

And, I'll be saying goodbye to what I thought might be. Leaving my job requires me to let go of the dreams I had for the program that I poured my heart and soul into over the past twelve years of my life.  As much as a piece of me is falling into place as I move into my new job, I am also leaving behind the pieces of me I have woven into the programs and people and families that I have loved.

So off I go, to leave.

The good part is coming, for sure.

But this?  This is the hard part.